Love Potion #9
by V. Zhao
Summary: What happens when Mousse gets his hands on a love potion? Based on the movie 'Love Potion #9'


Love Potion #9  
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A Ranma1/2 Spam Fic   
by V. Zhao  
  
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 copyright to Rumiko Takahashi. Love Potion #9 copyright to WB or Universal or whatever company produced it. I do not own any of the following characters and etc.  
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Notes: The idea for this story occured to me when I was watching Love Potion #9 on USA one day. I had written a story like this before but I deleted it by accident, so time for a fresh start. Please R&R.  
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Shampoo set out for the first early deliveries of the morning on her bicycle. The early sun was pleasant and warm on her face as she rode calmly along, making sure to look good just in case she ran in Ranma. However, she did not know that it was not Ranma who was looking at her; it was Mousse from window of a fortune teller's small shop.  
  
Now, you're wondering what Mousse is doing at a fortune teller's place. Isn't life with Cologne weird enough? To explain, let's go back to a few minutes ago when Mousse first walked into the store and said to a chair, "Hello, there. Are you the fortune teller?"  
  
"No, you blind idiot. I'm the fortune teller." An old lady wrapped in a lace shawl peered out at him with sickly yellow eyes. "What do you want? Would you like your fortune?" She smiled at him, coaxing him for some business.  
  
"Oh, yeah, sure." He sat in the chair that he was just talking to and faced the old woman. "How you gonna do that?"  
  
"Give me your hand." She stared deeply into his palm. "Strange... I see no women in your life."  
  
"What do you mean? I have Shampoo."   
  
"Nope, no women. Not now, not ever. Amazing. Are you gay?" She looked at him peculiarly.  
  
"No! Of course not!" Something in the window suddenly caught his eye. "Ahhh... my beautiful Shampoo..." Sigh.   
  
"Ah, that is the flower that you wish to pick. Of course, of course. I could help you with that, you know." Her smile became nothing less than evil. "For a cost undoubtably."  
  
Mousse became instantly interested. "You mean... you can make Shampoo love me?"   
  
"Well, I can create an illusion of love. You do the rest." She pulled a spray bottle from her sleeve and waved it in his face. "This will cost you 10,000 yen."  
  
"WHA!?! That's so expensive! I don't make much on a busboy's income, you know."   
  
"Trust me, hun. It's very much worth it. Okay, I give you bargain price; 9000 yen. I pity the poor man."  
  
"Alright." Mousse dug deep into his robes and pulled out all the bills he could find. "Now tell me how this thing works."  
  
"You spray this on your mouth, and when you speak, every female in listening range will be in love with you for excatly four hours before it wears off. Remember, it only lasts for four hours, but you can use it as many times as you like, of course, until you run out."   
  
"What's this stuff called?"  
  
"Love potion #8."  
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Mousse could hardly wait to try out this baby, so as soon as he left the store, SPRITZ. Now, to find Shampoo and make her fall head over heels for him. He was guessing that she was probably at the Tendo dojo looking for that shmuck, Ranma. He would have to risk speaking in front of the Tendo sisters, but that was worth it if Shampoo would fall in love with him.  
  
"ANYTHING GOES MARTIAL ARTS FINAL ATTACK! RUN AWAY!" A wet red haired girl ran past him with a bandana-ed boy chasing after her.   
  
"Hey, what's going on? That dumb Saotome. Another fight with Ryouga..."   
  
At the sound of his voice, Ranma stopped and turned very slowly. HER eyes glazed over and a crazed smiled spread across her lips. The next minute, she had jumped into Mousse's arms and giggled, kicking her legs in the air. "Oh, toma. Where have you been all my life?"  
  
Ryouga had also stopped and stared at the scene with his mouth agape. What in Kami's name was going on here? Damnit, why was Ranma all gaga over Mousse? "I thought he only became a girl physically, not emotionally..." Hey, maybe this meant that Ranma'll lay off Akane. Ryouga leaned against the wall of a nearby house and watched.   
  
Mousse, meanwhile, was so surprised by Ranma jumping on him that he dropped her, yes, dropped her on the ground. Kami knows that Ranma and Mousse were not exactly best friends let along lovers. What had gotten into him- her- him. Her? Ohhh... "Hey, the potion works!" Gulp. Yeah, and it'll keep working for four hours.  
  
Ranma looked up at him with big kawaii tearful eyes. "Oh, toma. What is it? You don't want me? Please, give me another chance. I'll do anything. Just give me another chance."  
  
One thought kept crossing Mousse's mind. *Must get hot water. Need hot water NOW!*   
  
"Did someone just think the words hot water?" Nabiki popped out of nowhere with a kettle and poured it over Ranma's head. It's amazing how she knew everything. It was impossible to keep anything from that woman. She looked around for her client and settled her gaze on Mousse. "You own me 5000 yen for that, bub. Would you like for me to put it on your tab?"  
  
"Thank you, Nabiki. I don't know what I woulda done-" Gasp. He forgot. He wasn't suppose to speak to her or any other girl besides Shampoo. Another feeling of dread dripped over him as the Nabiki's eyes glazed over in the same strange way as Ranma's.  
  
"Nevermind the bill, Mousse." She rubbed up against him like a cat and gave him a sexy smile that would have most guys fall over from weak knees. "Did I ever tell you that I thought you were 'enticing?' Mmm. Enticing..."  
  
He opened his mouth to reply but quickly clamped a hand over it. No more talking! He was in enough trouble as it is. *Oh, I got to get away from here,* he thought as he slowly backed away from the prowling Nabiki who was fanning herself with her hand and undoing the first two buttons of her blouse. "Is it hot here, or what?" Smile.  
  
"Ehehe..." Mousse laughed nervously and made a run for it. Now that was SCARY. It's not that Nabiki Tendo was not attractive, but really, a girl as vicious as her going for him? SCARY. Mousse thought that she wouldn't come after him. Well he was wrong. In fact, she was hot on his heels screaming his name. The first establishment that he found, he ducked into.  
  
Unfortunately, this establishment was Ucchan's. The okonomiyaki chef looked up, expecting to find a customer, but instead found an out of breath Mousse pressed against the door of the entrance and looking outside anxiously. She was about to interrogate what in the world he was doing here and if he was going to buy anything when she heard him speak, "Phew. I think I lost her..." Immediately, her heart started to pound and she felt a sudden attraction to the heavily robed lanky man in her entrance.  
  
Mousse looked around warily and made a small 'EEP' sound when he noticed the okonomiyaki chef advancing towards him, toying with her spatula coyly. He mouthed 'oh no' to himself before he hastily opened the door and continued running. He was wrong again; not only was Ukyou now running after him, he never lost Nabiki in the first place.   
  
Ah! Tofu's clinic. He should be safe in there. Maybe the good doctor may be able to stop this crazy thing. He slammed the door shut behind him as soon as he was in the waiting room, making sure to lock it multiple times. "Dr. Tofu?" To his horror, it was not Tofu's face who popped out of the examination room; it was Kasumi with her ears perked up and a lusty glint in her eyes.   
  
"Mousse! How nice to see you!" There was something disturbing about her sweet, kindly smile that moment. "Are you sick? Why don't you let Kasumi make it all better for you..."   
  
He shook his head so rigorously that his glasses slipped off his nose. The door! His fingers fumbled clumsily with the five locks. Must get out... Outside, Nabiki and Ukyou were waiting for him with *gulp* rope. "Look, toma, since you're so uncooperative and unwilling to participate, we figure we have to do something about it," Nabiki drawled as Ukyou swung the rope around him.  
  
"Don't worry, Mousse. This won't hurt a bit. We'll untie you as soon as we get you in a carefully sealed room." Ukyou grinned slopily and tied a tight knot around his wrists. "There's nothing worse than men that are afraid of commitment. You don't want to be just like Ranma do you..."  
  
"Oh, what a wonderful idea! This way he won't be able to get away." Kasumi patted Mousse's shoulder comfortingly.   
  
"Kasumi! Did someone call me? Hey! What are you all doing outside?" Dr. Tofu looked from girl to girl then to the tied up Mousse and sweatdropped. "Hehe. Kasumi? You're not leaving are you? You said we'd-"  
  
"Not now, Dr. Tofu! Can't you see I'm busy with something?" Wow. That was the first anyone had heard Kasumi snap at someone. Nabiki smiled knowing that she just got that on her tape recorder. Someone would definitely pay money to hear Kasumi yell, especially at Tofu.  
  
Tofu cowered, pouted, and retreated back in his clinic, glasses slowly unfogging. Kasumi, meanwhile, was fascinated with dragging Mousse as if he was on a leash. They walked by the Kuno estate where Kuno was just walking out with his servant, Sasuke. "HELP! THEY'RE TRYING' TO- mmm mmmm mm mmm"   
  
Nabiki's hand clamped over his mouth. "Now, you don't want to be gagged do ya, sweetheart?"   
  
Mousse shook his head and looked hopefully in the direction of Kuno. Kuno, however, was lying in a heap on the ground next to Sasuke with Kodachi laughing insanely over them. Well, if Mousse thought things couldn't get any worse, he was wrong. Again. Not only did Kodachi take out her brother and his servant, she also knocked out the three girls who were dragging Mousse. "AHAHAHAHA. How foolish of those girls to think they could keep such a treasure like you to themselves. You're mine now."   
  
With one gesture, she lifted him off the ground and started to hop roofs. Mousse, while Kodachi was doing her thing, squirmed around in his robes and eventually jabbed a small knife into the ropes. The ropes gave sending him flying to the ground and SPLAT landed flat on his face, ironically, right in front of the Nekohanten. He quickly scrambled to his feet as soon as he regained consciousness.  
  
"SHAMPOO!"  
  
"Mousse! Why you so late? Busy all day! No busboy! Shampoo do twice much work!" Her dark eyes flashed angrily. Why the hell was the potion not working? Wait... Shampoo couldn't possibly be a man could she? NO WAY! On the other hand, all the other women in the restaurant were not drooling over him either. Must've worn off. Maybe he should respray. Nah. Too risky. Better go back to that damned fortune teller.  
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"What can I help you with young man? Oh, it's you again. Let me guess. You got in a little trouble with the local ladies, ne?" The old hag rubbed a dirty cloth on her crystal ball.  
  
"Yeah. Don't you have anything else? This thing is too dangerous." He threw the little bottle onto the table. "I need something that targets only her."  
  
"Well." She looked thoughtfully through her shelf of potions and other concoctions. "I do have this. This is the most powerful love potion there is in the whole world."  
  
Mousse reached out to take the even smaller bottle. "Thanks." He was about to head out the door when teh old woman's voice stopped him.  
  
"I must warn you. This potion must only be taken if you are absolutely sure she loves you. If you love her and she loves you, then you will love each other forever. If you love her and she doesn't love you, you will love her forever and she will hate you forever."   
  
"Alright. Soooo... what I gotta do?"  
  
"Add this potion to a drink and both of you drink from the same cup. Then kiss her. And in five minutes, you will know the answer." She gave him a toothless smile and added, "Be careful with love potion #9."  
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Shampoo sat down at closing time in an empty chair with her apron across her knees. "Aiya," she sighed. It had been a long, busy day thanks to that baka, Mousse. Where had he gone? One thing was for sure, as soon as he got back, she would pound him into dust. Good.  
  
"Shampoo. Would you like some tea?" Mousse grinned goofily down at her.  
  
"Aiya." How could she object? The pounding will have to wait. She actually was greatful for the tea. "Thanks, Mousse." Sip, sip, slurp. "Ahhh..."  
  
Mousse took the cup from her fingers and gulped heartily. Tossing the cup away, he leaned over without hesitation and kissed her on the lips.   
  
"WHAT MOUSSE DOING!?! BAKA!" She gave him a good kick to the head and he landed in a heap on the ground.   
  
He stared at the clock on the wall in half consciousness. Three more minutes... two... one and a half... one.. thirty seconds... ten... five... one... "Mousse?"  
  
"Yes my darling Shampoo?" He looked up hopefully and saw her hold up the broken cup.   
  
"YOU BREAK GOOD CUP! GRANDMOTHER GET VERY ANGRY!" She kicked him again and left with the broken cup wrapped up in the apron in her arms.  
  
"Oh," whispered Mousse who knew clearly what the answer was. "That old hag was right. No women in my past, present, or future... Oh well. Same ol', same ol'."  
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The End  
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Notes: Hope you liked. Poor Mousse. Shampoo is so blind. Tsk tsk. And I repeat: PLEASE R&R!! ^_^ Arigatou! 


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